Average Reviews:
(More customer reviews)Speaking as an obese and troubled man, I don't get many pleasures in my life. But one that I can always count on, even when everything else seems to be falling apart, is the delicious and juicy taste of an Albanese gummy bear. When my wife left me for reasons that I shan't go into in this review (suffice to say the gummies had NOTHING to do with it) who was there to comfort me? Certainly not my daughter, Sheila, who went off to college nearly a decade ago and doesn't even have time to send her FATHER a Christmas card. But Albanese was there. Albanese is always there, right on my doorstep, and every month 20-pound packages of gummies are stacked to shoulder-height.
And so I ate. I ate and I ate and I ate through the night, tears soaking and moistening the sticky gummi mountain I had carefully crafted and was now laying upon, naked. That night I learned something, as my vision began to waver and my intestines began pumping a thin, painful stool through my body while diabetes ravaged my vital organs: these bears never stopped tasting good. Haribo bears, while having their own charm, really can't put the misery of two wasted decades out of your mind like Albanese can. And while the generic Wal-Mart brand gummies are cheap, I believe they have been proven to be carcinogenic when consumed with the vigor and volume that I enjoy.
Yes, Albanese is truly the Gummi King. Five stars all around. Now if you'll excuse me, I believe I can feel a lone gummy still lodged in a fold of skin near my waist.
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